Moving On After Divorce

The situation

Throughout the United States, there will be the dissolution of more than 800,000 marriages in the course of this year. Most of these people are in the process of moving on after divorce.

Some people ended their marriage because they’ve gotten tired of arguing with a partner who no longer sees things from their perspective because they’ve reached an impasse in their relationship. You may be moving on after divorce from a narcissist. Others have learned the hard way about the consequences of adultery committed by their ex-spouse.

 Meira Golbert Bar-Lev has spoken with women who have used virtually every dating application available. Dating sites including Harmony and Match.com.  Meira says, “I was using, Saw You at Sinai, and JWed and was able to find folks who were open to dating, but none who seemed right.”

“My self-esteem was really demolished,” said one of Meira’s clients.  She had been damaged by her previous divorce and was exhausted from the endless cycle of online dating.

Moving on past the hurt and disappointment

Meira Golbert Bar-Lev is a relationship and life coach who has been through divorce and being widowed.  Meira says, in order to find love again, you need to wholeheartedly believe that there is someone out there for you.  You also need to believe that you are worthy of love. For some folks, getting to that frame of mind takes a greater amount of time. Often we are hindered by our own internal baggage that still needs to be dealt with.

How to get help clearing trauma and pain

That is where I come in as a Certified Coach in a number of processes such as The Journey and The Elevation Project a Jewish meditation process based on ancient principles with an understanding of modern consciousness research.

Your internal dialogue

• After being hurt by someone, it’s natural to question whether “I will ever be able to trust again?”
• You ask yourself, what did I do wrong in the years gone by?
• How could I have missed all of the warnings?

According to Meira, a professional relationship and life coach for over 20 years, “Because of that, we are prevented from truly getting to know others at times.”

Spend some time getting to know yourself and figuring out what you want before you can begin moving on after divorce.

Knowing who you are, what you need, and the reasons why the marriage did not work out are all really crucial.  According to Bar-Lev, a coach is someone who can assist you in making sense of things when you find that you are unable to do it on your own.

My Self Examination and  setting criteria

Investigate what qualities you look for in a potential mate as well. Bar-Lev proposes the construction of something she refers to as “the criteria sandwich.”

Your must-haves are the absolute needs you have for a potential spouse.

• Do they have a steady career?
• Or a spirituality that resonates with me?
• Are they kind and considerate?
• What are their other relationships like with family and friends?

The upper layer is comprised of what it is that you would like to have. And the bottom layer is comprised of the non-negotiables, which may include some of the aspects of your prior marriage that did not end up being successful.

Online dating is becoming increasingly popular.

It’s possible that the dating process will seem foreign to you if it’s been several decades since the last time you participated in it. After a divorce, many women transitioned from attending singles events to the brand new and exciting world of internet dating, which was just beginning at the time. According to many, dating in person was “more rigorous,” but you learnt more rapidly about a person you could or might not be interested in. This is something many have experienced firsthand after having tried both ways.

According to Bar-Lev, there is most certainly a steep learning curve associated with internet dating. One problem is that individuals do not always present an honest image of themselves in their online dating profile. Some potential partners are nothing more than con artists. And even those who are legitimate can be looking for some sort of sexual encounter, as Bar-Lev discovered. You should consider a professional coach’s help in moving on after divorce.

Creating a good dating profile

Bar-Lev recommends being as authentic as possible in both your profile and photo in order to increase the likelihood of finding a compatible partner and developing a deeper connection with them. “It’s lot better to be authentic and real up front than to try to build an image of yourself that isn’t actually accurate,” she says. “Being upfront about being authentic and real is much better.”

Additionally, she recommends limiting your profile bio to give a clear picture of yourself without revealing too much detail. When you spill the beans about your entire life at once, “you don’t give someone the opportunity to get to know you through dialogue,” as the saying goes.